All I Could See Was You
by MeemoMeemo
Summary: Hijikata remembers his time with his first love. Oneshot with Hijikata and Mitsuba.


Well, I got stuck on what to do next with my Okita/Kagura story so I decided to scour the Gintama fan fictions for a Hijikata and Mitsuba story. But there wasn't any! So here's one to add to the library. I honestly like the Hijikata and Sougo pairing, but after seeing his first love I decided I loved him and Mitsuba more. It's based on the flashback that Hijikata has when he declares his feelings for Mitsuba. I seriously cried when she died and the scene at the end with Hijikata and Gintoki eating the spicy crackers just broke my heart. Hope you enjoy! Please review, as it inspires me to write more!

P.S. I apologise for any mistakes. I wrote this at a very late time of night.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama or any of it's characters.

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**All I Could See Was You**

Love is stupid. Or so Hijikata thought. It made you possessive and obsessive. Just like he was with his mayonnaise. You would spend nights thinking about your special thing and then realised later, you've just wasted your life away. Hey, but at least the mayonnaise could never leave you.

Unlike people.

"Is Sou-chan out yet?"

His rambling thoughts were interrupted by a soft voice. It just so happened to be the other thing he happened to love. "M-Mitsuba," he stammered, almost falling off the porch of the dojo. He coughed to hide his nervousness. "Ah, Sougo's still inside. Should I get him for you?"

Mitsuba took a seat next to him on the porch of the dojo. "I'll just wait, Sou-chan will feel obliged to stop if I go in there," she said. "Shouldn't you be training too?"

"And let Sougo take his frustrations out on me? I don't think so," Hijikata scoffed.

She smiled. "You two must be getting along quite well for you to be calling him by his first name," she pointed out.

"I just do it to annoy him," he replied defensively.

She produced a bag of crackers. "Want some?" she offered.

Hijikata read the label. _Extra-spicy_. His face paled. "You shouldn't be eating those you know? They're not good for your health," he lectured.

"Stop with the mayonnaise and I'll stop with the spicy food," she challenged, breaking open the packet.

He sighed. "Point taken."

She munched into the crackers happily. "How is Sou-chan doing? I can't help but worry about him," she said. "But I suppose the path he's heading, somethings going to happen sooner or later."

Her worried face worried him. "Sougo won't get knocked off too quickly," Hijikata muttered.

"You'll be careful too, won't you?"

A completely innocent question, but it struck him where it hurts the most.

His heart sunk a little. The road he was taking was already bloodstained. Mitsuba had a gentle soul, pure and wise, that couldn't walk that path with him. He would never let her walk that path with him. Death would only bring her pain. But death was inevitable in the life he lived.

"I'll be careful," he promised, wishing only then he could take it back. "And I'll make sure Sougo stays out of trouble." Another promise he knew he wouldn't be able to keep.

Mitsuba gave him a small smile. "You're leaving soon aren't you?" she asked quietly.

Hijikata nodded. "Kondo hasn't really got all the details yet, but it time for us to make use of our skills," he said.

She pointed up towards the sky. "Well, when you leave all you have to do is look up towards the sky."

"The sky?"

"The neat thing about the sky is that no matter where you are, we are all looking that the same sky. Because we all live under the same sky, you can never be alone."

As she said that, a tiny butterfly landed on the tip of her finger. Mitsuba's eyes lit up and she laughed. "It's seems this one agrees with me."

Hijikata tried to cover up his smile, but a blush crept into his cheeks instead. God, he was whipped. How could he have fallen so hard for someone who didn't worship mayonnaise as much as he did? Much less the sister of the sadist in the making. But Mitsuba was beautiful. There was no other way to describe her. Everything she said would ring in his ears even when she wasn't around. Every little word would pound into his heart.

He let out an awkward chuckle. "I'll remember that," he said.

The butterfly sprang from her finger and disappeared into the sky. Mitsuba turned back to her extra-spicy crackers. "It'll be so quiet without you guys around," she said softly.

Her eyes were cast towards the ground. Hijikata felt a pang of sadness rush through him. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to be with her. He could protect her, hell, he could protect Sougo too. Seeing her sad was the last thing he wanted.

"But I guess it's for the best."

Hijikata reached out to touch her cheek. "Mitsuba, I-"

"Ane-ue!" An annoying voice snapped Hijikata back into reality.

Sougo came flying out of the dojo and '_accidentally_' kicked Hijikata in the back, sending him head first into the grass below. "Oh, you were there too, Hijikata-san?" he said, giving him the innocent look.

Hijikata got to his feet and brushed the dirt off his hakama. "Don't worry about me, I'm leaving anyway," he grumbled.

"Sou-chan, you shouldn't be mean to your friends," Mitsuba scolded.

Sougo bowed his head slightly. "Sorry, Hijikata-san," he said in his dead-pan voice. "I honestly didn't see you there." Hijikata could almost see the sarcasm dripping from his words.

"See you tomorrow," he mumbled, waving over his shoulder.

God, that brat managed to push his limits. But that was good timing anyway. It was better to keep his thoughts inside his head where they belonged. Because spilling his feelings for her was bound to lead to an unhappy ending. Mitsuba deserved happiness more than anyone. And that was something he couldn't give her.

_I love you, Mitsuba._

Hijikata sat on the roof of the Shinsengumi headquarters, smoking coolly in the night breeze. Something about the sky seemed soothing, yet made his heart ache more than ever.

"You said I'd never be lonely if I looked at the sky," he said quietly. "But I'm more alone than ever. How I can I not be lonely when you're not here anymore?"

He snuffed out the cigarette and lay back onto the cold tiles. Still, the sky was beautiful, wasn't it?

_It was only after you died I realised you didn't really care about your own happiness. Or rather we were your happiness. So even if it means protecting my personal assassin, I will protect your happiness. For the rest of my life._

_Yet, I will always be wishing you were still here._


End file.
